humor me

"Jerry" from Tom & Jerry


I've been dealing with this mouse problem for about one year now, and it's starting to get annoying. I shed several pounds last year because I tried to starve them out of the apartment by not bringing any food in. It didn't help with the mice, but I did lose some weight. After glue traps, starvation and various other devices didn't work, and I had to get rid of a teeny mouse at 2:00 in the morning BY MYSELF, my landlord finally filled all the holes around my apartment, and that helped. Until now. Yuck.

I told my landlord about the new mouse last night, and he promised to "get on it's tail today" (he really said that). When we spoke on the phone today, he proudly told me about how he set up various traps with peanut butter around my flat, which in my tiny studio means surrounding my bed. Great, I'm sure that'll help me get a good night's sleep. I sternly explained to him that rather than lure mice into my apartment to eat or die, I would rather they didn't come in at all, so can we please fill the holes. He went quiet which I took as a sign of understanding. I was wrong, which I realized once I got home. So I tried something new. "Look, I know you're short-staffed right now. I'll help you fill in the holes. Let's do it together and get this whole mess over with" I kindly told him on his voicemail. He called me back and agreed to come up at 9 o'clock at night.

You can imagine my surprise when he came empty handed without the mouse-repellent glue for the holes. He insisted it was impossible to find out how they came in. Then I realized I wasn't dealing with a logical landlord, but an 81 year old stubborn man. So after he checked all the easy places with flashlight I said, "Robert. Humor me. Let's pull out the fridge and the stove, and if we don't see any holes, I'll leave you alone about this." This got through to him and he pulled out the fridge. I filled one tiny hole with steel wool. Then we pried the oven from it's place and he tilted it while I peaked behind it with the flashlight. "Look, there," I said. There, between the floor and the wall, was a wedge, covered in messy super glue with holes peaking out. He looked and responded, "I'm not going to say no, but I'm not going to say yes either." I convinced him to go get the super glue so we can get this over with and he won't have to deal with the problem anymore. Thirty minutes later he came back empty handed again. He couldn't find the glue, so now I'm going to have to wait a day or two to get it done.

Until then, fingers crossed that my new 'no food' rule actually works this time. At least if I can't get rid of Jerry, I'll shed some of those extra pounds.

April 5, 2010